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Hot or Not -- Week 3

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  • Hot or Not -- Week 3



    Hot or Not



    Week 1
    Week 2
    Week 3
    Week 4
    Week 5
    Semi-Finals
    Finals




    You can find former articles from 2011-2016 here



    TWDT-D


    Terrorist vs. Mortal
    AARP Edition
    50-42

    Okyo Drift (19-6) put his Oldsmobile into 2nd gear as he passed the competition using his turn signal he forgot to turn off, passing the competition at a swift 37MPH, taking the game 50-42.

    Fellow octogenarians turban (12-10), dreamwin (8-6), kado (8-10) were in the backseat arguing about which of their Metamucil brands were best, although they all seem pretty good given how badly they shit on Mortal.

    ROWS (3-10) was in the passenger seat fiddling with a knob, before being kindly asked to put it back in his pants.

    Despite a formidable ability to still cane people, Tripin (13-10) was unable to lead his lawn bowling team to victory, as Racka (3-10) was busy trying to lure children into his van using Werther's Original candy so he could tell them stories about the war, which he spent avoiding in the National Guard.

    READY (4-8) was too busy returning soup for being too hot to focus on the game, and his sub-in Jebass (0-2) was on his 4th water without buying anything.

    Shadowmere (10-10), who doesn't believe in tipping, was left to fend with AFRI (12-10), their one black friend whom they refer to as "one of the good ones."

    HOT: Okyo (19-6)

    NOT: Soup. It's always too hot or too cold. I changed my mind, I want another water. Where is that latino waitress? I bet she did something to our food. Let's complain and refuse to pay.

    ---

    Power
    vs. Avengers
    50-41

    Scoring leader Iron Survivor (15-10) maintained his assault on TWDT-D, smashing Avengers to pieces ahead of strong performances from Best (12-9) and Cres (10-9), as the trio of stars took the game 50-41.

    beam (8-8) fell back to earth this week, but was solid, while Jessup (0-3) struggled out of the gate after a nice performance last week, but a good sub from Ogron (5-2) steadied the ship.


    Artists depiction of Ogron rescuing beam as recounted to him by an anonymous source

    I'm not saying it was the greatest sub in the 17 year history of this game, but my anonymous source did. We'll just call him C. House. No, wait, that's too obvious, let's go with Claus H. Yes, that will do.

    Geio (11-10) darted around the map doing his best to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat, but Olde (10-10) and 24 (5-10) couldn't manage the comeback 3v4 as Tiny (6-10) and Server (9-10) had died out.

    HOT: Iron Survivor (15-10)

    NOT: 24 (5-10). The only thing you have 24 of, are inches in your butthole. Best (9), Iron (8), Cres (4), Ogron (3). Although, to be fair, that's a strong 4 in the asian community, while an 8 in Brazil is like a 2 here.

    #TheyDidTheMath


    ---

    Silence vs Curse
    50-33

    Skepsis (15-9) showed just why he is TWLD champion, slaying Curse by a massive 17 points, leading Last Standing (11-4), Racketeer (10-6), Paky Dude (8-7), and Henry Saari to the W.

    JAMAL (10-10) was the lone bright spot for the losing side, as Weak (7-10), Skatarius (6-10), Ricko (5-10) and Bram (5-10) looked like they could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

    HOT: Skepsis (15-9)

    NOT: Ricko (5-10). Ricko should stick to his main league (basing), because he looks less like a war bird and more like a chicken running around with his head cutoff. It's difficult to be British and keep a stiff upper lip with no head, although given Attacks' streak of 27 months without a blowjob, it is manageable.

    ---

    Terrorist
    vs. Avengers
    50-24

    Terrorist improved to 6-0 in TWDT-D, as they become the only team to remain undefeated in a league.

    They did it in style, as Avengers completely and utterly embarrassed themselves, suffering the worst defeat of any team this season, as dreamwin (9-0) clowned them with an ace and kado (15-6) dunked them from the free throw line.

    turban (13-7) and Okyo (9-4) followed suit, although I have no fucking idea what ROWS was doing going 2-7 in a 50-24 win. I can only suspect his performance is due to brain damage caused by having to read Dreamwin's macros over and over and over again.

    Dreamwin> DUMBWIN TRAIN DOES IT AGAIN!!^%&@&$)$@$$($#$23!!!!! BEAT THAT BEAT UP!!! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
    Dreamwin> DUMBWIN TRAIN DOES IT AGAIN!!^%&@&$)$@$$($#$23!!!!! BEAT THAT BEAT UP!!! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
    Dreamwin> DUMBWIN TRAIN DOES IT AGAIN!!^%&@&$)$@$$($#$23!!!!! BEAT THAT BEAT UP!!! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


    24, Geio, Afghan, Olde, Server, Tiny, and Wirah all negged.

    HOT: Kado (15-6)
    HOT: Dreamwin (9-0)

    NOT: Geio (0-7). Geio was extremely close to The Dream, a.k.a. the Mark Stone Award For Excellence, but was subbed out just before achieving the feat. Nevertheless, your terrible, terrible performance will be immortalized here for all to see for eternity.

    Your looks will fade, your body will wither, your eyes blighted with cataracts, your wits dim, but this performance will live on. The internet never forgets. This performance will be your fucking tombstone.

    ---

    Power vs. Silence
    50-34

    Power finally got its WB going, winning two consecutive games and picking apart a strong line, as Iron Survivor (16-6) and Best (14-10) were absolute juggernauts in this game, melting Silence with liquid hot bursts of fire.

    Cres (8-6), Zidane (8-8), and beam (4-4) were solid, as Power took the game handily 50-34.

    Last Standing (9-10) and Skepsis (8-10) were decent, but Henry Saari, Commodo, Paky Dude, and Racketeer were too heavy to carry.

    HOT: Iron Survivor (16-6)
    HOT: Best (14-10)

    NOT: Racketeer (5-10). After a stellar start to the season, as he poorly piloted his ship and crashed into a rock and sank. Racketeer finally looked human, which please the inhabitants of the shore he swam to on Cannibal Island.

    ---

    Curse vs. Mortal
    50-45

    Zizzo (15-5) continued to look superhuman in TWDT, almost singlehandedly downing Mortal 50-45, as he led Weak (11-10), Ricko (11-10), Attacks (7-10), Bram (5-5), and Spectacular (1-5) -- who looked anything but.

    On the losing side, Racka (11-10) had a good game for Mortal, but got outmaneouvered 1v1 against Zizzo in the end, as Tripin (10-10) and Shadowmere (9-10) were good, but Afri (2-5), Pressure (3-7) and Joemama (2-3) decidedly weren't. An excellent sub in from Jebass (8-5) proved too little, too late.

    HOT: Zizzo (15-5)

    NOT: Pressure (3-7).
    Last edited by ogron; 10-26-2016, 07:01 PM.
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  • #2
    TWDT-J


    Curse vs Silence
    50-36

    Hypocrit (15-7) and Zizzo (11-3) destroyed Silence with aplomb, leading Weak (10-10), Shaun (7-9), Bram, and Smoking Blue to victory.

    Roiwerk (10-10) has been a rock for Silence, but has found little help this season, as Aprix (7-10), Commodo (5-6), jeffpotatoes (6-10), Kim (3-4), Last Standing (3-7), and Skepsis (0-3) were something Tiger Woods hasn't been in years -- sub-par.

    HOT: Hypocrit (15-7)
    HOT: Zizzo (11-3)

    NOT: Last Standing (3-7). I'll take Ironic Names for $600, Alex.

    ---

    Power vs. Terrorist
    50-38

    Terrorist suffered only its second loss of the season, once again to Power, as Zidane's team put in a balanced performance to clinch the W.

    Zidane (11-8), Iron Survivor (11-8), Best (10-8), Omega Red (10-7), and Raples (5-7) were fantastic, taking down the three-league behemoth in jav.

    Beanie (11-10) fell to pieces after an extremely strong start, while Kado (10-10) also managed to hit parity, as their low-stars did most of the damage, with Dreamwin (7-10), Turban (6-10), and Singer (3-10) left gasping for air.

    HOT: Zidane (11-8)
    HOT: Iron Survivor (11-8)

    NOT: Singer (3-10). Singer's about to go from A Capella to A Conditional Draft Pick. Does Undercut still run a draft team? Maybe Dreamwin can trade him to Kusoge, Singer and Undercut have a lot in common -- both are more than capable of hitting A Minor.

    2:Ogron> just made a great undercut joke
    2:zidane> lemme see
    2:zidane> lol
    2:zidane> Missa's not a minor btw. She's like 30
    2:Ogron> o
    2:Ogron> then i guess u cud say that joke fell E Flat
    2:zidane> ...
    5:zidane> Anyone looking for a terr?
    5:zidane> Ogron up for trade


    ---

    Avengers
    vs. Mortal
    50-44

    24 (14-10) and Children (13-9) took Mortal to task, leading Geio (5-3), Server, Spikey, and Tiny (6-10) to the win in TWDT-J.

    temujin (15-10) showed immediate results coming out of FA, but found little help as the RST LiNE of Rab, Ready, Rough, Shadowmere, temujin and Tripin rolled Bankruptcy on their spin, as Pat 'Pressure' Sajak looked on wistfully, wondering what kind of panties Vanna White is wearing. Blue? Red? Pink? Maybe she's not wearing any panties at all. Dirty girl. You only need to buy one vowel with Pat Sajak under the sheets: Oh, Oh, Oh!

    What were we talking about again?

    HOT: Children (13-9)
    HOT: 24 (14-10)
    HOT: temujin (15-10)

    NOT: Rab (3-10).

    ---

    Power vs. Curse
    50-27

    Power improved to 4-0 for the week, curb-stomping (Curse-stomping?) their competition like it was an American History X audition.

    Zidane (15-5) once again looked like a dominant force in TWDT-J after a slow start, while Omega Red (10-2) continued his fantastic play in javelin. Iron Survivor (10-7), Best (9-9) and Raples (5-4) also continued their superb play, winning by an astounding 23 kills.

    Even in a loss, Zizzo (11-10) managed to go plus, continuing his amazing season, as Weak (9-10) remained a source of consistent play across both TWDT-D and TWDT-J, but no one else on curse managed more than 2 kills...

    That is not a typo. No one on Curse got more than 2 kills except Zizzo and Weak. Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

    Bram (0-4)
    Hypocrit (2-7)
    JAMAL (0-3)
    milosh (1-6)
    Shaun (2-10)

    May as well be a Vietnam War Memorial, because you're all dead to Attacks.

    HOT: Zidane (15-5)
    HOT: Omega Red (10-2)

    NOT: Choosing between Bram, Hypocrit, JAMAL, milosh, and Shaun would be like asking someone which child they love best -- if by "someone" you mean "Joseph Goebbels", and by "love best" you mean "would feed cyanide capsules to". The answer is: All of them.

    ---

    Mortal vs. Silence
    50-36

    Mortal took down Silence in convincing fashion, as Stayon (11-6), Rough (9-7), Ready, temujin, Cripple (7-5), and destruct got the W.

    Roiwerk (15-10) continued to be a beast, but despite solid outings from aprix (9-10) and Commodo (8-10), Heaven, jeffpotatoes and Last Standing put up identical 1-5 scores, with Skepsis topping it off with a magical 0-5.

    HOT: Roiwerk (15-10)

    NOT: Skepsis (0-5), Heaven (1-5), jeffpotatoes (1-5), Last Standing (1-5). I've already burned a Goebbels reference, but if people keep sucking in huge droves like this I'm going to have to start digging into Greek and WWE mythology and start name-dropping Cronos and Chris Benoit.

    ---

    Terrorist vs. Avengers
    50-48

    This was one of the best matches of the week, as both teams were tied at 46-46 late. Major Crisis (14-10) was huge for Terror, making several critical knockouts and plays before dying out, where turban (12-9) and Dreamwin (9-9) took over to close the game out, with Beanie (4-10) shitting the bed and Okyo (10-10) achieving equality.

    Tiny (12-10), 24 (12-10), and Children (11-10) were strong but despite a good performance from Geio (9-10), they were let down by Server's catastrophic 2-10 game. Yikes!

    Regardless, some great play from both teams, and an exciting match to watch.

    HOT: Major Crisis (14-10)

    NOT: Server (2-10). The only thing you're qualified to serve, is your resignation.
    Last edited by ogron; 10-24-2016, 10:06 PM.
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    • #3
      TWDT-B


      Silence vs. Power
      15:00-7:08

      Silence ran over Power in a complete dismantling of the number two seed, as Trasher (108-30) led Henry Saari (95-27), squallFF8, Bacon, and Lee to the victory.

      Commodo (2.8 RPD) and Mattey (3.0 RPD) sharked in front of Heaven (30-5), as Silence completely ran their opponent over.

      Best (79-50), Holy Ship (62-63), M_M God (62-60), Glyde, and Raples did their best to hold the line, but with Davy and Mr. Homo lagging and Ra, PH, and Iron missing, it proved to be a long week for Power in base as they got outkilled by 200 over both their games with 5 of their 8 starters out.

      Zidane (3.0 RPD) and Omega Red (2.8 RPD) provided reps for Ogron (21-4) at the five.

      HOT: Trasher (108-30)
      NOT: Ogron. Bad attitude and complained the whole time, bringing down team morale, and being the terr equivalent of Lindsay Lohan on a movie set -- except one of us a coked out whore who never shuts up about how underrated the The Parent Trap is, and the other is a movie actress.

      ---

      Mortal vs. Avengers
      15:00-10:17

      Mortal bounced back after a pair of basing losses, notching two wins this week, starting with Avengers, as they diced them up, scoring 522 kills to their 399. Yikes.

      Cripple (122-46) was once again an absolute force, leading Stayon (103-24), Megalo (92-31), Tripin (84-47), and Rough to the W.

      Oder (2.9 RPD) and Rab (2.9 RPD) sharked ahead of Pressure (25-4).

      For Avengers, none of their spiders hit 80, as Pavement, Server, Solace, afghan, Olde, and Tiny got rocked.

      New addition Hulk (2.9 RPD) and porkjet (2.9 RPD) could do little to stem the tide, despite a much better performance from Mikkiz (33-7) than we've previously seen this season.

      HOT: Cripple (122-46)
      NOT: Olde. Just a bad combination of negging in spider and awful sharking (2.4 RPD). I haven't seen one person be this bad in so many roles since The Nutty Professor.

      ---

      Terrorist vs. Curse
      15:00-12:14

      TJ Hazuki (102-76), Turban (92-72), Dreamwin (97-73), Okyo (68-51), and Viiru (89-59) led Terrorist to the win, beating Curse 15-12.

      Dwopple (2.7 RPD) and mcvicar (2.9) sharked ahead of Major Crisis (37-6).

      JAMAL (133-73) was an absolute monster for Curse, leading Skatarius (95-50), Hypocrit (95-41), Smoking Blue, and Sulla in the loss.

      Markmrw (2.8 RPD) and Milosh (2.8 RPD) sharked in front of Zizzo (47-8).

      HOT: JAMAL (133-73)
      HOT: TJ Hazuki (102-76)


      ---

      Avengers
      vs. Silence
      15:00-10:21

      Avengers notched their first win of the season in TWDT-B, beating their opponent by five minutes, as Pavement (82-47), Solace (98-48), Server (83-49), afghan, and Tiny went toe-to-toe with Silence.

      Hulk (2.9 RPD) and porkjet (2.9 RPD) sharked in front of a nice performance from Mikkiz (30-4).

      It was a disappointing result for Silence, as Trasher (99-38) and Bacon (91-90) were the only spiders on their team to crack 80, with varying performances from Henry Saari, Lee, Sprained, and SquallFF8.

      Mattey and Commodo sharked in front of Heaven (18-6), who somehow managed to not break 20 kills in a 25+ minute game somehow.

      HOT: Mikkiz (30-4)
      . It was a strong performance from a terr who had struggled out the gate, showcasing his talents and the value of a quality terr in a winnable game.
      NOT: Heaven (18-6). A poor performance, as the neophyte has yet to prove he can win games without his team outkilling the other by 100.

      ---

      Terrorist vs. Power
      15:00-5:50

      After slamming Terrorist with their full line last week, Power, missing half its line, got absolutely mangled by the top seeded juggernaut.

      Beanie (106-37), Okyo (104-36), Dreamwin (82-50), Turban, and Viiru cruise to the 15-6 victory, with Dwopple and mcvicar sharking, and Major Crisis (24-5) in terr.

      No spider on Power hit 70 kills, with Best, Glyde, Holy Ship, Iron, M_M god, Omega, and about two minutes of Davy played ahead of Zidane, ph and Omega in shark, and Ogron (25-7) in terr.

      HOT: Beanie (106-37)
      HOT: Okyo (104-36)


      ---

      Mortal vs. Curse
      15:00-13:52

      This was the match of the week in base, in a very close 15-14 affair that could have gone either way. Mortal made a massive comeback after being down 13-1, never losing faith and clawing their way back in to clinch the crucial W.

      Cripple set the season-high score in spider with a 160-73 performance, leading Stayon (101-52), Megalo (98-55), Tripin, and Rough to the W, with Oder (2.8 RPD) and Rab (2.9 RPD) in shark.

      On the losing side, JAMAL (108-79), hypocrit (109-60), and Skatarius (103-63) were strong, alongside Smoking Blue and Sulla in ship three, with Markmrw and Milosh in shark.

      The real story (aside from Cripple's monster numbers) were the terrs, who found themselves in a battle of attrition at 14-14 with both Zizzo (57-3, 3 Teks) and Pressure (51-5) holding over 400 bounty each, before Mortal finally pulled ahead at the end as Thix's spiders outkilled them by 30.

      HOT: Cripple (160-73)
      HOT: Zizzo (57-3)
      HOT: Pressure (51-5)

      NOT: All the games being at the same time, meaning I was only able to watch the final few minutes of this
      Last edited by ogron; 10-25-2016, 07:48 PM.
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      • #4
        Player of the Week

        WB of the Week: Okyo and Iron Survivor
        Okyo set the world on fire with a Herculean 19-6 in warbird, staying hot for his second game with a 9-4. Iron Survivor continued to decimate TWDT-D with no end in sight, putting up monster 16-6 and 15-10 performances to go 2-0. Kudos!

        Honorable Mention: Skepsis (15-9), Kado (15-6), Best (14-10, 12-9), Dreamwin (9-0)

        Jav of the Week: Zidane
        Zidane showed a return to form in javelin this week, reminding everyone why he won four straight TWLJ titles, dropping a massive 15-5, then following it up with an 11-8 to win both of Power's TWDT-J games. Nice work!

        Honorable Mention: 24 (14-10, 12-10), Roiwerk (15-10, 10-10), Omega Red (10-2, 10-7), temujin (15-10, 8-6)

        Baser of the Week: Cripple and JAMAL

        Cripple has proven nigh unstoppable in TWDT-B, putting up the highest kill rec of the season, with a titanic 160-73, to go along with a 122-46, as Mortal won both its games. JAMAL was also a monster, dropping the hammer with 133-73 and 108-79 games. Wowza!

        Honorable Mention: mcvicar (2.9 RPD, 3.0 RPD), Pressure (51-5), Okyo (104-36), TJ Hazuki (102-76). #FreeTJ

        Player of the Week: Zizzo
        Zizzo has been an absolute force this TWDT. If you told me Zizzo would be useful in any ship before the season, I would have mumbled derisively -- but here we are. Zizzo went postal in the only TWDT-D game his team allowed him to play, racking up a sizzling 15-5, was rapacious in TWDT-J dropping an 11-3 in a win and an 11-10 in a massacre where he was the only player on his team to go positive, then lit it up in terrier with 53-3, 47-8 performances and 5 teks to his opponents 1. Congrats!

        Last edited by ogron; 10-25-2016, 07:37 PM.
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        • #5
          Player of the Week History

          TWDT-D


          Week 1: Iron Survivor
          Week 2: Beam and Racketeer
          Week 3: Okyo and Iron Survivor
          Week 4:
          Week 5:


          TWDT-J


          Week 1: Best and Zizzo
          Week 2: 24 and Turban
          Week 3: Zidane
          Week 4:
          Week 5:


          TWDT-B

          Week 1: Cripple
          Week 2: Davy and Zizzo
          Week 3: JAMAL and Cripple
          Week 4:
          Week 5:


          Player of the Week:

          Week 1: Turban and Shadowmere
          Week 2: Iron Survivor
          Week 3: Zizzo
          Week 4:
          Week 5:
          Last edited by ogron; 10-25-2016, 07:38 PM.
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          • #6
            Standings


            Last edited by ogron; 10-24-2016, 07:46 PM.
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            • #7
              Top 100 Players Overall

              Top 100 Players



              Sorted By Team


              Last edited by ogron; 10-26-2016, 11:01 PM.
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              • #8
                TWDT-D, TWDT-J, and TWDT-B Stats

                TWDT-D



                TWDT-J



                TWDT-B (Spider)



                TWDT-B (Terrier)




                TWDT-B (Shark)



                Last edited by ogron; 10-26-2016, 08:01 PM.
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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Claushouse View Post

                  NOT: Ricko (5-10). Ricko should stick to his main league (basing), because he looks less like a war bird and more like a chicken running around with his head cutoff. It's difficult to be British and keep a stiff upper lip with no head, although given Attacks' streak of 27 months without a blowjob, it is manageable.
                  ???? what?
                  Last edited by Ricko; 10-25-2016, 07:05 AM.
                  TWL-J Season 11 Champion
                  TWL-J Season 21 Champion
                  TWL-B Season 21 Champion
                  TWL-B Season 22 Finalist
                  TWDT-D 2017 Champion
                  TWDT-J 2017 Champion

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Ricko View Post
                    ????
                    LMFAO!!!
                    3:Wax> ard and i snapchat all the time
                    3:Wax> we play virtually tummysticks
                    3:i.d.> da fk is that?
                    3:Ardour> we basically are each others personal psychologist
                    3:Shadowmere> i.d., Wax breaks keyboards playing SubSpace. Best not ask him what anything is.
                    3:Wax> Tummy sticks is the situation, commonly referred to as a game, in which two erect men cuddle closely and face-to-face causing their two erect penises, or sticks, to push upwards between their stomachs, or tummys.
                    3:Wax> Sticks combine with tummys, hence the name "tummy sticks."
                    3:Shadowmere> LOL
                    3:i.d.> Oddly, that's close to what I thought it was...

                    Best> I never cooked a day in my life

                    Deft> beat by a guy who plays ss on his cellphone
                    Shadowmere> Rofl
                    Up in ya !> With his feet
                    Deft> no kidding, redefining l44t
                    Up in ya !> l44t feet
                    Deft> l44t f44t*
                    Up in ya !> Twinkle toes
                    Deft> he had l33t f33t but he practiced

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                    • #11
                      TWLB CHAMP Ricko

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                      • #12
                        I got JOHN CENA'd hard
                        TWL-J Season 11 Champion
                        TWL-J Season 21 Champion
                        TWL-B Season 21 Champion
                        TWL-B Season 22 Finalist
                        TWDT-D 2017 Champion
                        TWDT-J 2017 Champion

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                        • #13
                          Is this the right thread if I want to trade Ricko for Jebass?
                          British> my 18th tomoz $$
                          Sol ^> 18 and scouse, so that two kids you have by now, brit? :)

                          i.d.> I just farted and shit myself alittle bit

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                          • #14
                            Player asdf​ doing pretty well.
                            duel pasta <ER>> i can lick my asshole

                            Mattey> put me in corch

                            zidane> go kf urself pork

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by project dragon View Post
                              Player asdf​ doing pretty well.

                              5:Tiny> whos got asdf
                              5:Tiny> looking to trade for him
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